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Nitz the Bloody
Fri Jan 14, 2005 at 09:46:38 pm EST
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The Commission Epilogue
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The Commission Epilogue
By Neil Kapit

A month has passed since the Commission’s attack on Washington DC. The Commission has quietly disbanded, and Jonathan Armstrong Stanng is serving time in juvenile hall. The other members of the Commission escaped, but Stanng insisted that he stay behind and face whatever punishment the world’s governments had in store for him. Everyone else got away and are living their lives out of the public eye.

Until today, that is.

“ With all due respect, and not to be discriminatory, but I look even gayer than you, Mr. Enlisted “, Nitz the Bloody notes as he walks down the streets of Pierce Heights with the man once known as the Enlisted. Nitz is wearing a new designer costume the Enlisted tailored for him, a bizarre red-and-yellow number with a winged mask, a chain-mail shawl and red cloak instead of Nitz’s traditional red coat, hip-high boots, and yellow gloves. The Enlisted has a long mane of blonde hair now, and is wearing a purple beret, and a velvet red jacket with zebra-striped pants and sharkskin boots.

“ Please, honey, “ the Enlisted notes, “ That was my name under my old life. My therapist told me to pick a new name to signify my changes. “ He does a little dance, spinning around three hundred and sixty degrees, then stops and thrusts his hand upwards. “ Call me, “ he says, “ The DESIGNER. “

“ Right, whatever. Still don’t know why Molly called us all over for dinner. I thought she’d never want to see me again after I tricked her. “

” I don’t know either, Nitzy, but I don’t think she’s holding a grudge. You know, I think you two are perfect for each other. I could hook you crazy kids up if you want me to.... “

” Thanks, but I don’t have time for romance. I’ve been so busy with the Commission that I forgot about school, and without Stanng to do my homework for me, I’m on the verge of failing out. Probably shouldn’t have come here in the first place. “

” Oh, come on, man. You don’t want to come and say one final goodbye to your old friends? A tribute to all we’ve gone through and all we’ve seen? “

” Why would you want to come, Mr. Enlis--uh, Designer? We all ignored you and treated you like a machine while you were on the team. “

” Because you’re the only family I have, “ the Designer sighs. “ My parents won’t talk to me and I didn’t make any friends at boot camp. I only know you guys, and my partner told me that I should go to this thing, if for no other reason than closure.... “

” Uh.... “ Nitz states, “ We’re here. “ They arrive at a large penthouse complex. Nitz and the Designer take the stairs up to Stanng’s parents’ apartment, where they enter the door, bringing a homemade casserole wiht them.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“ Designer! NITZ! “ Molly squeals with glee, “ Come in! “ She is wearing another one of the Designer’s creations, a blue belly shirt and miniskirt with yellow gloves and more hip-high boots. She has blonde highlights in her black hair as well, twin ponytails on the sides. Nitz gapes in astonishment.

“ What’d I tell you, “ the Designer whispers, “ I think she still likes you... “

” Hi Molly, “ Nitz smiles weakly. “ We brought hamburger casserole. “

” Great! “ she grins, “ Put it on the counter. “

” So, “ Nitz asks, “ Who’s here so far? “

” Oh, just me, Mr. and Mrs. Stanng, Alea, and Stacy. “

” Stacy Infinity? I thought the state took her away. “

” Technically she’s not a citizen of this dimension, so it was easy for me to adopt her, “ Molly beams. “ So I’m a mommy now! “

“ You just graduated high school last year... “ Nitz notes.

“ Yes, “ Molly agrees, “ But when Johnny was about to-- well, you know -- I realized she was the most important thing in my life, and I had to save her. She doesn’t have any one else. And neither do I. “

” That’s not true, “ Nitz tells her, looking up into Molly’s eyes. “ You have me, if you want me. As a friend, I mean. Are we still friends? “

” Of course, “ Molly smiles, and hugs Nitz. “ Still friends. “

They enter the dining room, where the Umbra, in her “ normal “ form, sits at the table with Mr. and Mrs. Stanng, and Stacy Infinity, the latter of whom is in a high chair.

” Shawn! “ the elder Mr. Stanng notes, “ Glad you could make it! I was talking to Johnny today, you know. “

” Oh? “ Nitz wonders. “ How’s he doing? “

” Seems to be doing fine, “ Mrs. Stanng says. “ He’s talking about joining the Peace Corps once he gets out. He seems to be optimisitc, if a little bit intense. “

” That’s good. “

” You know, “ Mrs. Stanng says, “ Johnny always spoke highly of you. “

” Really? “ Nitz says, dumbfounded when comparing this statement with his mental image of Stanng always insulting him.

“ Indeed, “ Mr. Stanng concurs. “ He always said you were the best friend he ever had. He even asked how you were doing when I last talked to him. “

Hmmm, Nitz ponders, he must have had a pretty pissy social life, then.

Nitz’s train of thought is interrupted by a loud knocking on the door. Molly goes to answer it and finds Lance Flutterby, in a leather jacket and jeans, holding a dufflel bag in one hand and a loaf of banana bread in the other. The first thing Molly notes on Lance’s person is a crucifix hanging on a necklace.

“ Lance! “ Molly exclaims, startled. “ I thought you were busy on a date with that movie star, who is it...uh.... “

” Postponed it, “ Lance solemnly states. “ I realized I had more important things to do. “

Nitz walks over to the door and glowers at Lance. “ Don’t you have a brick of Columbian Christmas to occupy yourself with? “ he snaps.

“ I deserve that, “ Lance sighs. “ I realize I’ve been a horrible person, and I’m working towards redemption. “

Nitz raises an eyebrow behind his mask. “ What do you mean? “

” I mean that when Stanng shot me, the last thing I thought about was how I’d wasted my life. The only things I cared about were money, women, and power. When I was brought back, I realized He was giving me a second chance, and I have to do the right thing with my life. “

” Who’s He? Stanng’s now a Godlike figure? “

” I mean the real God, our Lord and Savior. So I donated half my personal fortune to the church and checked myself into the Betty Ford Clinic. That’s what He would want me to do. “

Nitz’s mouth just gapes as he stares at the new, clean, Lance Flutterby. His first thoughts are “ Get the f--- out of here “, followed by “ Maybe he actually means it, “ and then “ There’s a Judeo-Chrsitian God in the Parodyverse? “ He keeps thinking hard on the topic until Mrs. Stanng calls him to dinner. Nitz, Molly, and Lance quickly go to the table. The Umbra stands up in her chair and raises her glass.

” We called you all here, “ she states, “ Not to say goodbye, but to say hello again. “

” Excuse me, but I’m lost, “ Nitz notes. “ What do you mean? “

” She means, “ Molly tells him, “ That we’re reforming the Commission. “

Nitz gasps. “ What? Are you serious? After all we did... “

” We did some things wrong, I readily admit, “ says the Umbra. “ But we also did a lot of good. We really helped the world and redefined what superheroes are all about. “

“ BS, “ Nitz sputters, “ Nothing’s changed. Ykraa has a new dictator, Israelis and Palestinians are back to fighting without us hanging over them, and there’s new corporations to milk the Earth dry. We haven’t done anything. “

“ Not true, Nitz, “ Molly responds. “ We all learned a lot about ourselves, and we all grew and changed. It was a great experience. “

“ I don’t believe this, “ exclaims the Priest of Zeku. “ We nearly destroyed the world serving under that little psychopath “-- he looks at Stanng’s parents and quickly tells them “ No offense “-- “ And you want to do it all again? “

” We’ll do it differently this time, “ the Umbra notes. “ No more world domination goals. No more mass murders. We’ll try to respect free will and the rights of nations to govern themselves. To a point, at least.“

” Then what seperates us from the Lair Legion? “ Nitz asks. “ Will we just stop the symptoms of the problems that the world faces, without going for the real illnesses? “

“ There has to be a balance between the two approaches, “ Alea tells Nitz. “ The old Commission wasn’t doing things the right way, but that doesn’t mean we have to support the status quo either. We have to do things our own way. “

” That’s all well and good, “ Nitz agrees, “ But aren’t we technically wanted by the government? They kind of forced us to disband. “

” Since when have you caved in to “ The Man? “ Molly asks Nitz with a twinge of irritation. Nitz can’t fault her logic, so he nods, and says “ Okay, I’m in. “

“ I think that Jesus would want me to continue to be the Bateleur, “ Lance iterates. “ You have my support too. “

” Sounds fabulous, absolutely fablous, “ the Designer adds. “ I’m in. “

The five members of the Commission stand up and raise their glasses forward. “ Then it’s settled, “ the Umbra smiles, “ To Progress! “

” To Progress! “

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pyrarra, Ykraa; the newly elected President starts another day in the office. He contemplates what to do; sign papers, raise taxes, outlaw various media contrary to his position. With the Commission out of business, the United Nations all but ignoring Ykraa, and the Lair Legion tied up with other threats, he feels a rush of invincibility.

This rush quickly subsides when the doors to his office fly open, as one of his security guard barrels across the room and onto his desk. Following the unconscious guard are five individuals who seem very familiar to him, despite having never met him. He feels the remnants of his courage leaking down his boxer shorts.

“ Hi, “ Bateleur tells him nonchallantly, “ We’re here to discuss foreign policy with you. Sit down, this might take a while.... “

THE END


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